As a freshman, I wanted nothing more than to be an upperclassman. Time seemed like it was going at a snail’s pace, inching forward day by day. It was like the universe was intent on making my first few years of high school the longest ever. 

Now that I’m a senior, however, I just want time to stop. 

My life consists of a week-to-week basis. I do my homework and try to squeeze in enough time for college scholarships, being social, and hockey practice; then I do it again the next week. The first semester barely even registered for me, which is scary because that means I only have a few months left before I go off to college and have to live like an adult–a fact that’s insane to me, by the way. 

I’m 18 now–hardly an adult. If I’m lucky, my college debt will only hang over my head for a decade, and if I’m not, then I’ll be saddled with it for the majority of my life. So fun!

I used to dream of college when I was young, of going to prestigious Ivy League schools and living like the main character. That dream is long gone for me–now I’m disillusioned with the prestige–but I still want to further my education. College was always where I saw myself, and it still is. 

But looking back, I don’t think I appreciated my time enough. Yeah, as I read that back, it sounds bleak, but it’s true. The bottom line is that I didn’t appreciate the simplistic ignorance of my childhood enough. 

We grew up in the age of crises, born into a world of the 2008 recession and inheriting a slew of problems that previous generations perpetuated and ignored. We know nothing of safety or routine. The political climate is unstable; revolts and protests and violence are daily occurrences that have become as familiar as the backs of our hands. 

Maybe everyone was right when they told us things were a lot simpler in the past; I mean, I can’t imagine that the world was this complicated before, what with the onset of social media and instant connectivity. 

And before, college was an option–now, it’s basically a requirement. 

I’ll have my Associates Degree when I graduate in May, which, yes, is a big accomplishment but also something that is forcing me to prepare for Real Life faster than I’m ready for. I’ll only have two years to adjust in college before I’m thrust into the world with all the grace of a baby bird being shoved out of its nest. 

What will I be without school and my academic routine? What am I, except a student? 

To anyone that knows me, it’s no secret that I’ve based a lot of my self-worth on academic achievement. In a few years–when I no longer have school to validate me–what will I become? I have no idea how I’ll operate or what will become of my confidence. 

I still don’t know what I want to do. 

I know that I’m not going into STEM–thank god–but I’m at a crossroads. I want to make enough money to survive, but I don’t want to be following a career path that I hate for the rest of my life. 

If I didn’t have my A.A. degree, this wouldn’t be a problem I’d have to face for another couple years, but the fact remains that I will have it before entering college. That means that I don’t have the luxury of time, something that crawled by before, but flies now. 

I guess all this is just to say: don’t waste it. Don’t keep looking so far ahead that you’re tripping over your own two feet to get there. Don’t wish for time to fly, only for it to speed past you in a whirlwind. 

Things are only precious because they don’t last, and time is one of them.