Ruin Thanksgiving with Four Words


A Slice of Pie (Pumpkin, of Course)

Molly Bomar, Journalist

Have you ever sat at the kitchen table on Thanksgiving, stuffed full of turkey and cranberries and dreaming of the couch, but stuck listening to the mind-numbing anecdotes of your family? Fear no more: you can easily ruin your Thanksgiving dinner with four words. 


“I forgot the pies.” 

This small comment will plunge the whole day into immediate darkness; the holiday will be undoubtedly ruined for everyone. You’re welcome!


“How about this election?”

With tensions already high, after the burning of the turkey and the soggy green beans eaten, who wouldn’t want to talk politics with your family? Simply ask the question, sit back, relax, and watch the chaos unfold in front of you. If you dare to mention your opinion, however, you too will be dragged into the conversation and start a civil war. 


“Grandma is naked… AGAIN!”

AGAIN?! Dang it, Grandma. While this is not something you can yell randomly, if the event occurs, as it annually does, it’s the perfect way to add a little spice to the family holiday.


“I can’t taste anything.”

Ohhh COVID, you’re always there for us. We can always count on you to send our moms into a cleaning spiral and our dads into a ramble about current statistics. If you’re feeling mischievous this holiday season, slide in a comment that you’re feeling the side effects of the CoronaVirus. (WARNING: this may result in quarantining in your bedroom for the rest of the day… with no pie.)


If none of these comments give the holiday the razzle-dazzle you’re looking for, simply rely on an unpredictable remark from your gossiping aunt or your ranting grandfather. Never underestimate the power of built up family angst.