A Realistic Reply from Santa


Drawn by Ava Padelford

Jolly Old Saint Nick

Ava Padelford, Lead Writer

Dear people of the world, 


I have received your letters! As much joy as it brings me hearing you all wish for stuff you don’t have, I must tell you, I am over it. I’m not as jolly as I used to be. My chronic back pain has stopped me from stepping into the sleigh. I have developed a tad of dementia and the inability to control my bowel movements. 


Last year, I forgot to tie up one of the reindeers.. Dasher or Vixen… who knows. He ended up flying down to Florida and became a part of a “Florida man” incident (you don’t want to know the story). Anyways, it’s just not safe for me to be the main delivery guy on Christmas Eve. 


I’ve always been old and fat. That’s something I’ll never change. I want to let you all know that I am retiring. It’s no secret that the whole world has changed in 2020. I’ve gotten letters that have asked for COVID to go away. I’m Santa… not a genie, or more importantly a scientist. Besides, who listens to science anymore. I’ve been delivering gifts for many years and people are always the same. Truly everyone deserves to be on the naughty list, and after this year, their true colors have shown. 


A political view has turned one person against the other and it breaks my heart to see people act this way. Many have been quick to act and slow to think. Their actions have torn them apart. 


I apologize for my cruel and snappy tone; I guess it’s what happens when you get old. I’m thinking about staying in Hawaii and being on a forever vacation. The retired life comes with endless possibilities! If you see a fat guy crushing some waves, it’s not me. I will be laying in the sand with the quiet Earth. 


I may send my much younger, highly efficient son to take over the family business. I would be lying to you all if I said the point of this letter was to tell you I am retiring. The point is to explain to you all that the problems in the world may not ever be resolved, but we can all choose how to react to them. Don’t stop caring for one another or being mean just because they don’t have the same opinion as you. You can’t change an opinion, especially with stubborn people. 


I’m not sure what the deal is with picking fights that will never be resolved about the political controversies that are happening this year, and have always happened. People are so quick to attack the other view instead of having a factual debate. Everyone thinks they are being nice but there is a naughty part of all of us. This comes out when we are speaking to one another. 


I’ve seen it all. It’s no joke that this year has been different. I’ve been through a lot and had many compelling things to happen to make me want to quit. This year was the breaking point. 


Thank you all for your kind letters throughout the years. Even those who didn’t believe in me. 


I realize I’ve become slow and easily frustrated. My son has a lot more high energy than me! “good vibes” he likes to call it. I wouldn’t know much about “good vibes”; I’m just a fat guy breaking into homes with a red jumpsuit!


Enough about that, here is my final farewell; Ho Ho Ho and Merry Christmas!


-Santa Clause