What Your Amazon Cart Says About You

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Drawn by Ava Grace

What’s in your cart?

People are weird! I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everyone’s got their own unique personality. There are good and bad types of weird but a good identification of this level points towards a person’s Amazon cart. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, likes and dislikes, feelings, etc. Don’t get upset when I make fun of you for what you shop for on Amazon (it’s just my opinion *wink*).

 

The Child 

There’s no secret that all of us have a bit of an inner immaturity. We often look back at the times of our childhood and remember the great toys we once had. The thrill of our past still excites us despite our age. Some of the things below would be concerning to have if you’re over the age of 18 without kids, so please be aware. Here are a few items in your cart if you’re a child at heart (that rhymed… unintentionally):

 

Legos, play dough, slime, Barbies, bouncy balls, puzzles, board games, markers, mini motorcycles, etc. 

 

Secret Santa 

We all know Santa is real, but he does need help from the parents occasionally. Especially with COVID this year, Santa will need all the help he can get! Many parents keep a whole cart of Christmas presents for their kids. They better hope their kids aren’t smart enough to sneak into their account and see everything they are getting this year! 

 

The “As Seen on TV” buyers 

If a commercial can compel you to buy the newest robotic vacuum cleaner with voice activation that can also sing you to sleep and do your homework, then you may just be an “as seen on TV” buyer. Maybe the ‘woubbleboubble’ you saw the children playing with made you want to try it out too. So you get on Amazon because they do after all have everything, and you add it to your cart. The more TV you watch, the more goes in the cart. Your life savings now goes down the drain.

 

The Dad 

Dads don’t typically have the biggest supply of junk in their cart. They simply buy what they need, and move on with their lives. Men aren’t too complex, and if they want something they will usually get it. Without asking or telling anyone. A conversation with their wife would go like this:

 

“Honey, what’s in this giant package on the porch?”

 

“Oh don’t worry. That’s just my foosball table.”

 

The Aesthetic Pinterest Woman 

We all know the modern day woman with a beautiful home that looks like Disney on ice. She will typically have a crisp white farmhouse style home with 71 decorative chickens and counting! Her home will be dressed up for every Holiday and would smell like fancy oils. 

 

If you carry these items in your cart, you are most likely an aesthetic Pinterest woman:

 

Wooden signs, diffuser, rustic farm animals (to add to the collection), coasters to prevent the fancy wooden coffee tables from decaying, a bathroom sign that says “please remain seated for the entire performance” in cursive and other fancy writing, fairy lights to brighten the mood, and many other essentials to make her home look “BEAutiful” (Ace Ventura).

 

The “Let’s put expensive crap in the cart that I cannot actually afford”

We all have things we wish we had, but just don’t. If you’re the type of person to look at the most expensive items and wish you had them, you definitely would fall under this category. 

 

The fact that anyone would have an Amazon cart just sitting in their internet browser says a lot about a person. Why wouldn’t they just buy the stuff in the cart? What’s so special about placing things into a cart? Questions will be asked and never answered! 

 

As someone who keeps random crap in my cart, I can tell you that I do this to “save it for later”. Sometimes, it’s nice to pretend you’re buying something. You get the same thrill as when you actually do except you aren’t spending money or getting anything.